Lasponggols

[Cine Adarna, UP Film Institue]

[July 22, 2005; 7-10 PM, with Ayen (again) and dormmates]

Lasponggols, a full-length film directed by Sigfried Sanchez, talks about the adventures of two film workers, namely Raffy, a clapper and Dido, a utility boy who, after trying to run away from trouble caused by spying through the lens of the camera, have found themselves in a remote barrio in Ilocos where the concepts of movie and media are either new or alien to most people in the place.

In an attempt to remodel their images, Raffy and Dido introduced themselves to the barrio folks as famous directors in the movie industry. This was a dream they both have been longing for where they can actually feel how it feels like to be in the shoes of a true director.

The film somehow depicts the struggle of people in rebuilding the image of their own selves. It struck me how being in the post modern era where we can rewrite the narratives of our lives is not an easy task at all.  Although it is a freedom of everybody to do so, many, if not heavy strings are attached. One has to fulfill the expectations one has built for oneself even if it calls for pretentiousness and even if it means leaving aside a part of who one really is. Just like Dido and Raffy who had introduced themselves as Direk Erik Matti and Direk John Red, respectively. Such act required them to set aside their real identity and obliged them to exert extra effort so that they may fulfill the role of full-fledged directors.

From the film, I realized that I, too, am like the two film workers. I’m trying to edit the script of my life in every chance that I can. But similarly, I need to put more effort until the narratives I have rewritten for myself would come naturally for me.  Indeed, the film taught me valuable lessons such as: be true to yourself so that you may handle the consequences of your actions accordingly; and, do not peep through the camera unless the director tells you to do so.

St. Louis Loves Dem Filipinos

[Wilfrido Ma. Guerrero Theater, 2nd Floor Palma Hall]

[July 21, 2005; 7 - 10 PM, with Ayen and other dormmates]

St. Louis Loves Dem Filipinos, a magnificent play which earned the standing ovation of its audience, sparked my interest to patronize the succeeding productions of Dulaang UP.

Set in the tribal areas in the different regions of the

Philippines and in St. Louis, Missouri where the 1904 World’s Fair was held, the play traces the roots of contemporary issues concerning the Filipino society.

The whole play, in my point of view, represents a combination of different struggles that our ancestors had undergone and how they persist in the present time.  These struggles include the search for identity and belongingness amidst an ever-changing world and the quest for the justification of stories of diaspora and exile.

Upon seeing the play, I came to a realization that one isn’t assured of finding greener pastures when he goes abroad.  More often, many of our fellow Filipinos end up in the wilderness, relying on an oasis to survive; similar to what happened to Bulan, a Bagobo prince and Antonio, an Igorot leader and their tribesmen wherein they were initially lured to venture through the Americas so that they may “do something great”, but ended up as laughingstocks and overwhelmed by what seemed to be the more complex and progressive civilization.

I realized that the diaspora in the past resembles the diaspora nowadays.  However, the difference lies in the purpose or motive of the people for exiling themselves. Our ancestors, in the persons of Bulan and Antonio, agreed to go to St. Louis in hope of doing something great which their tribes back in their homeland can take pride of; while in the incumbent Filipino society, our fellowmen struggle to go abroad so that they can escape from the perceived hopeless country brought about by massive corruption in the government.  They go abroad in search of a better life—a life away from poverty and underdevelopment. But even with the advent of globalization where cultures become acceptable in different places in the world, our fellowmen are to pay the price of somehow losing a part of their national heritage and being out of their home community, where they can only find a genuine sense of belongingness.

Now, I sit in reverie thinking and rethinking my plans for the future. Would I join the bandwagon of Filipinos exiling themselves out of their homeland and settling in Filipino diasporas all over the world?  Well, it actually depends on the contingencies the future hold. But for now, I’m looking forward to staying and serving my country so that I may contribute for its betterment instead of being negligent and indifferent by leaving it for the sake of gaining mere personal benefits.

to the SUHS batch 04-05

This post goes to all my friends back there in SIlliman University.

Hey guys! I miss you! How’s life? Musta nursing? I understand you’re all actually burning the midnight oils studying (or cramming) for tons of tests, assignments, lab works, and complying for all the requirements. I wish you’re enjoying the course despite the fact that it’s draining your mental and physical strength. Think of it this way: it’s never easy to succeed but it’s very easy to become a failure. Now, who wants to be a failure? Wala diba.. Besides, you’re gonna be dollar-earners in the near future.

Likewise, pahirapan din naman dito sa Diliman. Ask Pluto and Bea. (And oh, by the way, we have a dorm mate na taga Silliman din aside from the three of us. I haven’t really talked to him yet but I’ve seen him na. He’s a batch older than us. He spent his first year HS in SUHS but he transferred to SPUD when he was second year and graduated high school there; kaya hindi natin sya naabutan sa HS campus.. Then, he studied again in Silliman last year as an Engineering freshman.. tapos nitransfer sya diri sa UP, kaya freshie din sya ngayon.) Anyway,yes.. we’re also burning midnight oils here.. kaya don’t worry, you’re not alone.

And yes, today is Pluto’s 17th birthday!!! HAPPY BIRTHDAY PLONG! It’s  your first birthday outside the portals of Silliman.. but within the vicinity of Oble’s territory..

Anyway, magparamdam naman kayo.. Thanks nga pala for those na nagtetext.. Buti na lang na kahit busy kayo, you still manage to remember me.. chika! hehe.. Hope to see you when I visit Dumaguete.. til next time!

God bless us all!

One wednesday morning

     I woke up past 7:30. As usual, I did my daily routine: brushed my teeth, washed my face, tied my hair into a bun, and brought my utensils. I went down the stairs and passed through the lobby when I saw a familiar face coming from the opposite wing towards the direction I’m heading. Wearing a loose white shirt and hair yet uncombed, understandably, he had just jumped off from bed, grabbed his mug, spoon and fork for breakfast. He stands just as tall as me, or probably a little shorter. I don’t know exactly. With his face fresh from the night’s sweet slumber, his tantalizing eyes met mine which carved my lips into a slight curve, as he gave me a bashful yet very warm smile.

     He made my day.

Waiting for Mr. Right

    Familiar with that statement from an Artwork shirt? Whenever I see one, i wonder how those girls muster enough courage to wear tops as if summoning their ideal man to approach them and start whatever process has to be done to express whatever romantic interests they feel for each other.

     I, for one, am waiting for Mr. Right. Though not in a rush to meet him. Never had I had a boyfriend in my 17 years of existence in this planet. Never did I have "formal" suitors.. formal in a sense that like typical suitors, they visit me home, give me flowers and all kinds of "pa-cute" stuff, whatsoever. I remember that the only flowers given to me were during the prom when i was in 3rd year HS: an orchid bracelet from my prom partner; and a boquet of flowers along with a silk-green sash as an award for being a prom royalty.

    Label me "no boyfriend since birth" or "single since birth" for that matter. I don’t pity myself for that. I’m even happy for myself for not having romantic attachments at an early age. I get to choose anything I want to do without someone restricting me from doing so. What more can a girl bound by the chains of a teenage commitment ask for?

Mixed thoughts on a yellow paper

     [july 13, 2005, 11 PM, before studying math]

     Mahigit one month na akong freshie!!!

     That’s reasonable enough to give myself a pat on the back. From the starting line, I’m glad I took off. I’m trying my best to keep my momentum in my academic odyssey unhalted.

     However, things need to be assessed. Eleiza needs some space to retreat so she may reflect on her first scoop of experiences ranging from dedma lang, to extremely embarrassing ones. But more importantly, Eleiza has to delve deeper into herself and evaluate how far her capabilities–mental, emotional and physical–would pull her down or lift her up.

     I often sit in reverie, wondering what I could have been doing now had I not qualified in u.p. diliman. For sure, I’m a nursing student in my former school, Silliman University (which has been dubbed as the 2nd best nursing school in the country), wherein my life would be caged within the pressures and expectations a high school valedic should fulfill in joining the bandwagon of future green buck harvesters.

     But i come to realize that thinking about it seems bootless. Rather, my precious moments are better put in use if I look at the present..that is… Eleiza as a BS Math student… Eleiza, who was once aiming for the highest possible score in math exams back in high school, but now whose aim is to at least hit the passing scores of the math quizzes and exams she takes in u.p.

     Being a u.p. student isn’t being on the spotlight. If one were considered the whale shark of their high school, in college, one becomes a pygmy goby or a dilis which, in groups are often unintentionally strangled in sea weeds caught by big-holed nylon nets. Everyone seems equal. Mental superiority doesn’t exist, lest you are an oble or a summa cum laude alien. But even then, since all are dubbed iskolars ng bayan, scholars and honor students aren’t that heterogenized from the rest. They do stand out but not to the extent that the students look as them with praising awes and dropping jaws wherever they go in the vastness of this 493 hectar campus where profound brains are common and are constantly at work.

     So what now? I guess I’m getting far drifted off from what I’m supposed to do as a reflection of my self. That only proves that my feelings are still mixed up. I’m not feeling the impulse of writing and gathering down a narrative of Eleiza as a freshie.

     Mixed emotions. mixed thoughts. Eleiza has to settle these things. That would be her assignment. Deadline? Before the first sem ends.

Bye Kaka..

     This post has long been overdue.

     It’s been a month since my dog, Kaka had passed away last June 14, 2005. Neither did i witness her birth nor her last breath. When she was born on Dec. 2003, i was in Bohol, attending the RSPC. And when she was concluding her life, i was already in Diliman. Unfortunately.

     The cause of her death was unknown. Parasites, probably, which further depressed her immune system upon acquiring her annual anti-rabies shot. Nobody knows, but the One who created her.

     I know that God has a plan for taking Kaka from us. God knows what’s best for her and for us.

     I just hope and pray that when I come back to Dumaguete, Billy, Lady and Laxalt would still be there to eagerly wag their tiny tails as they greet me home.

     Bye Kaka… Ate misses you so much..

Happy cheers!

"u-nibersidad ng pilipinas…matatapang, matatalino, walang takot kahit kanino.."

     Indeed, the UP Fightning Maroons basketball team proved this cheer true as they triumphed in a neck-to-neck match with the UST Tigers during the opening game of the 68th UAAP season.

    The 69-66 score painted happy faces as UP students made their way out of the jam-packed Araneta coliseum.

    Carpe Diem, Maroons!

Subjects 101

Math 60 - Pre calculus:

major ko.. i can’t get away with this coz basically my course revolves around this so-called "thing"; although mahirap (coz hindi thoroughly probed yung mga topics namin sa math nung high school), naeenjoy ko naman.

Socio 10 - On Being Filipino: A sociological exploration:

no comment. di ko feel. ive had my first taste of humiliating experience in this subject last week. umpisa pa lang ng classes sabi ko na nga bang nagkamali ako ng pagpili ng subject na ito (or ng prof). nonetheless, i know i can endure this. God brought me here and He’ll be with me through it.

Pan Pil 19 - Kasarian, Sekswalidad at Panitikan:

masayang subject although readings are thicker than an inch. social taboos are no-no’s in this class, freedom of expression is highly tolerated

Nat Sci 2 - Geology and Biology:

an enriching class, kaso nakakaantok kasi last subject ko to tuwing T-F, very conducive pa to sleeping yung airconditioned classroom. pero enjoy naman kasi once in a while, our prof cracks jokes.

Anthro 10 - Bodies, Senses and Humanity:

likewise a class filled with substance. may sense of humor yung prof namin in ways i wish not to describe. baka ano pa masabi kong hindi dapat masabi, eh..hehehe..

PE 2 - Bowling

masaya!!! worth it ang 1,200 na binayaran ko.. hehe

That’s all folks!